When it comes to cannibalism it may seem, to the casual observer, that humans have a bit of metaphysical sand in their metaphoric vaginas. I mean, in a survival situation, protein is protein. Why there's this stigma about eating your defeated enemies/weaker clan-mates in human society is just beyond me.
It's not like I'm advocating dining on your fellow human. In theory it feels like a pretty grim practice, even for a evil person like myself. I've actually never grubbed on another human's flesh, the nearest I've come to that is dipping some toast in the yawning wounds of a vanquished enemy and that was more or less just a publicity stunt. Yolks are better. I'm just saying that I would if circumstances dictated it in regards to my continued existence. I think I could do wonderful things with various spices and possibly a Tandoori cooking pot.
Many other non human cultures either embrace cannibalism or don't slap a scarlet letter on it like mankind does. Goblins, Gnolls, Lizardmen, Wererats, Kobolds to name a few. Why let good battle-meat go to waste when your enitre 'society' constantly dances on the edge of starvation because it hasn't grasped farming yet?
Do what ya gotta do. It's a little known fact that virtually any meat sliced thin enough works great in a Philly Cheesesteak Format, and that almost no one asks questions about the meat in a fantastic tasting burrito. It's only when a hungry villager sees a limbless human torso roasting slowly on a spit over a fire that objections are often raised.
So sharp eyed prospective Dark Lords take note: You absolutely can feed your populace the corpses of their enemies and friends as long as you do it in an unrecognizable way, i.e. Sloppy Josephs, Saul-sage pizzas, Mongolian 'Beef', Yankee Pot Roast, Tandoori Rival Villager, Mechanically Separated Hippie, Cholera Quiche, Anything Inna Taco, Soylent Green, you get the idea. The populace at large asks no questions if shit is tasty and cheap.
It's like Chik fil-A in a certain timeline, everyone knows it's seal meat, but it tastes so damn good that they all pretend to believe it's chicken so they can keep eating it. It will eventually lead to the creation of a vat-grown seal meat composite after all wild seals have been hunted to extinction to satisfy the hunger of an out of control human population.
So if we're gonna delve into what us human beings refer to as 'cannibalism', then let's delve deep shall we?
I'm talking cultural cuisine in its most traditional sense. The darkest of cook books for us humans.
Listed here for the sheltered among us:
Kandarian Fried Captive: 37 secret herbs and hallucinogens make for a good meal and a mind bending digestion period. This style of cooking is NOT recommended for amateurs to cannibalism or psychogenics.
Norwegian Danish-Reaver Liver: Fucking Danes tried to raid your homestead and they were easier to kill than sharks. After you and your fjord-mates have slain them, bury them four feet deep in tidal sand for 3-6 months, depending on environmental conditions. When they've ripened, dig em up and cut out their livers. Tell your village it's the traditional rotten shark liver you all know and love.
They'll never know the difference.
Mountain Pass Meatloaf: You've shown Hubris your tender asshole by starting a mountain crossing over two months late. Any intelligent and mildly experienced traveler would've waited until the next Spring to start their journey, but someone convinced a whole lot of other gullible dipshits to follow them into a white nightmare.
Next thing ya know, bone broths recipes are being dusted off and dinner parties planned...
Orgy Stew: You're the successful leader of a popular nationwide Snake-Cult. Your followers willingly die for you and end life as hors de oeuvres for your unsuspecting diplomatic guests. When you reward your Inner Circle with a depraved Orgy, used up sex slaves are chopped up into a grey stew and served from a steaming cauldron into corn bread bowls with a quail's egg on top because you're a classy motherfucker.
South Island Long Pig: Let's be frank, 'long pig' is a rustic, colloquial term for "human we're going to cook and eat". Whether it's a captured enemy or someone your witch doctor/religious figure has suggested may be evil, in the end there's gonna be a party and a Bar-B-Q. Best be on the side that needs a toothpick when all is said and done...
Grassland Dude and Chips: Humans don't have the same texture as whitefish, even when battered up good and deep fried, but steppe dwelling savages who've never even seen a fish don't know or care about that. A lack of tartar sauce technology further hurts this people-based ode to classic fish and chips, but they do have some sort of tuber which when fried makes a wonderful chip and their vinegar, while lacking that nice malt flavor, is sufficient.
Eloi Stir Fry: On some worlds, humankind diverges into one or more distinct species. Sometimes one of these offshoots decides to start eating the other one because not only is it an easy food source, it's fun. On a planet who's resources have been plundered to a standstill, easy to catch prey becomes very attractive no matter how many legs it has.
So what can you take away from this, would be Dark Lord?
Well for one thing, you should get your taco carts up and running after a battle but long before the cattle arrive, if you know what I mean. Back in the early days when I was rebuilding the Empire I had frittered away, I had to use fallen enemy to feed my troops because the herd of cattle I'd secured for that exact purpose had been lost to a hoof and mouth epidemic and I couldn't spare any horses for meat. So I made my famous Philly Cheesesteak and Taco War Wagons. I used to run ambulance carts straight to the processing wagons who delivered directly to the chuck wagons. Freshest meat possible in theory.
Bottom line is that my troops loved grub time and I fed them well when we had substantial victories. It filled the void cheaply while I secured less potentially morale breaking food sources. So in a pinch, just dress it up in tasty sandwiches and never consider as a long term solution.
I feel like this addressed the cannibalism question in regards to how it may relate to a struggling Dark Lord wannabe such as those who may or may not be reading this at the moment.
So let's wrap this up and be thankful it came this far, shall we?
Yours in Abjectationness,
-Lord Hurderoth
His May Be Law, Word
