A once mighty Emperor from bygone times was once quoted as saying: "The ultimate display of power is an untroubled sleep", a sentence loaded with meaning no doubt. On one hand it suggests that the unspeakable, inhuman atrocities that you've committed in the fulfillment of your job description bother you not in the least, as your dreams are haunted by neither guilt nor regret.
On the other hand it tells the world that you are so confident of your safety within your own Prima Sanctum; securely warded from sorcerous, physical, psionic, astral and sometimes (if you're really badass) geological attacks, that you sleep like a baby on sedatives.
An impregnable fortress, surrounded by an extensive maze of trap festooned and monster haunted streets and ruins, is every Dark Lord's dream. But it don't come easy, sweetheart. Effective citadels and keeps don't just build themselves and slave labor is only good for digging and hauling away debris. You're best bet is to capture one by guile rather than brute force, and kill everyone inside it before raising your flag. Then, remember how you took the damn thing in the first place and make sure it can't happen to you.
Irony is a cunt.
I find it best to keep all my strongholds semi-impregnable, rather than invulnerable because it's good for business to let a few lucky adventurers feel like they've won. It keeps them coming back. It's like that old caravan route adage that states "If your rob and kill a man, then you have robbed him once. If you rob a man and let him live, you can eventually rob him again, or your sons can rob his sons."
There's a fine line between insanely fucking dangerous and completely lethal, and a veteran Dark Lord walks that line with confidence.
But if you can't capture then you gotta build. That being said, the following advice will be useless to any aspiring Dark Lord whose budget doesn't match his ambitions. Sorry fledglings, this is next level stuff and as such doesn't really pertain to you. Keep robbing sheep and slapping around the village merchants while you keep your eyes on the ring. Invest your ill gotten gains wisely and research the next guy up on the ladder...
For those of you prepared and able to start work on your first real stronghold, first rule is always use dwarf craftsmen in the construction of any and all death traps you have installed in your labyrinth*1. This will set you back a minimum of four times what skilled human labor costs, but it is worth it because your traps will work every fucking time. You use human labor and you'll learn that every routine invasion becomes a white-knuckler as even the most meat-headed enemies wade through your shittily constructed traps like they were Lord-Class Ninjas.
You'll be lucky if your kill rate is 20%.
The Dwarves have really brought about a renaissance in the Sanctum Defense industry. They are solely responsible for innovations that have basically revolutionized the construction of Grim Strongholds, Evil Fortresses and Foul Lairs everywhere. Their R&D budget alone must be enormous.
They count the following among their numerous advances in ambuscade technology and commerce:
1) The 'Just Unt Normal Korridor System'™: This is basically a giant bar that comes down out of the ceiling like in a modern day bowling alleys, and pushes all the corpses and body parts into concealed pits after a trap has been tripped.
No more tipping off intruders about kill points by leaving a heap of rotting skeletons.*2
2) The iMage System™: From anywhere in my Sanctum, I can monitor my entire Labyrinth and surrounding areas and have full control over a variety of imbedded spells for use in real time. If I catch a paladin sneaking up on me who has so far managed to evade my traps, I have the option to roast him in his armor or maybe turn the corridor he's walking through into a dense fog of flesh eating acid. You know, stuff like that. It's fucking brilliant and a hell of a lot of fun.
3) Deephome Depot: For the DIY Dark Lord. This was a genius business idea, a giant warehouse containing everything a prospective DL might need to build his Labyrinth: construction materials, all sorts of tools, pre-built traps, poison gas jets, bio-luminescent mold growing kits*3, all kinds of spikes, modular portcullises and guardhouses, duct tape, stone effect wallboard for the suburban Dark Lord, quicklime, a large inventory of various gauge chains at reasonable prices and a great selection of quality Inquistion™ brand torture equipment and patio furniture.
They had a monopoly for a few years, but recently competing chains like Home Despot and Labyrinths "B" Us have taken huge bites from their market share. It just goes to show that Dark Lording in general is a growth industry and subsequently is a boon to local and regional economies.
Making your Labyrinth an adventuring hot spot
When it comes to deadly booby traps, you can't go wrong with the classics provided they are expertly built and receive some basic maintenance from time to time. Sometimes the simplest is the best and there's a very good reason some designs never go out of style.
I tend to stick with the oldies but goodies myself. They are tried and true, low maintenance and perpetual crowd pleasers. Way back when, my Labyrinth was named in Labyrinth Monthly's "Top 100 Classic Labyrinths and Dungeons" list, which was a big honor for me at the time, considering my somewhat humble roots. This really boosted my adventure tourism destination profile*4 and, as a lazy mastermind, I capitalized on that by monetizing the entire site.
There were so many adventurers and fortune seekers flocking to my maze back in those days that I figured 'what the hell' and opened up several concession stands. My beer sales alone almost rivalled that of the profit generated by selling off all the armor, weapons and magic items the failed treasure seekers leave behind, to new ones coming in with last minute equipment needs. The money flowed in...
I've even thought about putting in some kiddie rides so the little tykes have something to do while their parents meet gruesome ends in some dank corridor far underground from them.
In short, a well thought out labyrinth is a cash cow and will pay for itself many times over if properly looked after and managed. It's a license to mint coin, boyo.
Then you use that coin to build more clever traps, put greater rewards in scattered treasure chests as bait, and hire better freelance monsters to occupy the maze. Don't get distracted by the money, it will become meaningless in time.
I hope this is of some help to those of you on the cusp of true Dark Lordship, these lessons I've learned oh so painfully in my past. Just remember that YOU have a VISION. And if you have to crush a few kingdoms to make that vision a reality, then you're just doing your job.
-Carpe Omnia
Dark Lord Hurderoth
*1 Murder Maze, Death Garden, Playground of Slaughter, Caves of No Return, whatever you call it....
*2 "Just Unt Normal Korridor System": Or, JUNKS in LordSpeak. As in "I got a lotta JUNKS placed around my labyrinth."
*3 So even inexperienced and ill prepared would-be human heroes can see well enough to get themselves killed.
*4 There are some places so infamous and foreboding that heroes and swashbucklers can't help but go there to try their luck. It's like Mt Everest on Earth, sometimes there are long lines of adventurers just waiting for their shot at glory.
